The Challenges of Discipleship

Hi Pilgrims,

In inviting you to enter into this quiet place of prayer to strengthen your spiritual walk with Jesus, let me relate to you a bit about my own walk and something of my spiritual struggles so that you know I understand what you are all going through. In this post I am going to concentrate on my biggest problem in my walk with Jesus, and that is, the problem of dying to self.

The hardest thing I had to overcome when I came to Jesus was accepting him as Lord of my life.  I had no trouble accepting Him as my Savior, for the Holy Spirit had been working in my life and I was deeply aware of my sin and my desperate need for a savior. But it took me awhile to understand that, if I wanted to be his disciple, I had to go one step further, I had to die to my self and become yoked to Jesus.  I literally had to cede control of my life to Jesus so that He could work through my life. It is so difficult that I sill have to ask the Holy Spirit each day to help me release most every situation and circumstance of my life to Jesus.

Perhaps for some of you this may not be the greatest challenge that comes from your conversion (i.e. personal encounter with Jesus) but for me it was like a complete makeover.

In my youth I was an extremely introverted and bookish individual however as I matured and attempted to survive socially and economically I overcompensated and became, not so much an extrovert, but rather a very strong-willed, opinionated, and selfish individual. I somehow convinced myself that the fact that I completed my schooling against all odds was somehow due to my own perspicacity and Intelligence. Although I was a cultural Christian,  I somehow failed to realize that all I was, all I had was due to God’s almighty providence and that without Him I would have accomplished nothing. I now realize It was by His grace alone, just as I was saved by grace alone that He drew me to Himself.

Getting to the point, the Lord had to get me down a few notches to soften my hardened heart. He did this through an illness and a series of events that led me to understand my own pitiful spiritual state. Through my wife  He also led me to a priest who was having a series of meetings in our parish to bring the faithful into a greater awareness of the need to let the Holy Spirit work in our lives so that we could lead the spiritually fulfilled lives that were in accord with the Lord’s plan for each of us as individuals.  The series ended with a retreat where I and the other participants were so moved that we dedicated our lives to Jesus and, asked the Holy Spirit to come into our lives so that His will could be realized in us.

The makeover began. The next few months were so full of the presence of Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I could hardly contain myself when speaking to others. Gradually the honeymoon period drew to a close. Not because the Holy Spirit left me but now because he began a new work in me. He began moving me into being a disciple of Jesus.

In order to discern the Lord’s guidance I found myself needing to get into the Word of God and prayer daily.  As my prayer life grew I found my yoking to Jesus becoming easier and easier. That is not to say that I was not tested severely. Because. I was. In fact, this is where my real spiritual challenges began. At each turn of my life I had to confront myself with the question:  “Is Jesus directing me in what I am doing or am I going off on my own, doing my own thing?”. This was especially true when what I was planning  was “spiritual” or “religious” in nature.

In my newly converted state what had happened was that I had merely transferred my fleshly, misdirected zeal to exert my control over my life in the “world” to attempt to exert  control over my life doing religious things, justifying myself in thinking that what I  was doing I was “doing for the Lord”. Thankfully, because I was yoked to Jesus and the Holy Spirit I have been able to discern my path, although not without some missteps. I now understand that it is through my growth in my personal fellowship with the Lord that He has been able to work in me so that I may continue my walk into discipleship with Him.  I pray that the Lord work through His relationship with you all so that His Name may be glorified in your lives and through your lives. Praised be His Holy Name!

I now conclude with some words of wisdom that were passed on to me by one of my spiritual directors:

“Beware of anything that competes with your loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of true devotion to Jesus is the service we do for Him. It is easier to serve than to pour out our lives completely for Him. The goal of the call of God is His satisfaction, not simply that we should do something for Him. We are not sent to do battle for God, but to be used by God in His battles. Are we more devoted to service than we are to Jesus Christ Himself?”

That is the internal personal battle I am now involved in and with His Help I will come through victorious. Please Pray for me.

Your Fellow Pilgrim … Bartimaeus

© B.R.Timeo and Bartimaeus’ Quiet Place, [2008-2009].